Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
