My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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