My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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