if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize