my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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