I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
