Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
time to smoke my breakfast
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
