You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
