just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
