Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Congratulations! We have a period
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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