she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
