better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
