While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just blew my weed a kiss
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
