On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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