Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
where am i from again
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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