we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
