Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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