That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
