i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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