going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
