Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
