My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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