Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
