My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
