This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they're like a gay fantastic four
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize