Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize