I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
