If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
