Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
