made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
