I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
