I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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