Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
