My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
