bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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