my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
