Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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