pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
