I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
