Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
