Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
