Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
