i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
