I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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