It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
