you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
