i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize