Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
