He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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