Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
