You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
