i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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