Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize