you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
