she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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