I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
