Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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