we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
