I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
