She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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