God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
