Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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