the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
