This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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