nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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