you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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