apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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