I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
