I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
