Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
