Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
