Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize