I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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