I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
this is an emotional support booty call
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
