I am puke
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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