i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
