dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
