420 ftw
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
