yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
