We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
