the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
