I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
wow bdsm is so cute
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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