So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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