SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize