mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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