He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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