I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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