I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
