My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
