I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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