She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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