I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
