when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
