i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
