I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize