you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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