I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
