dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
