Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
